Fool, Fool, Fool
by The Light's Refrain
Summary: ONESHOT Not only does Kanda have to put up with that idiotic Lavi once again, he has to deal with a stupid street mutt as well. But perhaps Kanda is not as sharp as he likes to think he is...How could you miss what's right in front of you, over and over?


_Hi! This is a little idea that's been rolling around in my head for a while now, so I decided to get it out of my system. It took forever to get the wording right and it turned out a bit darker than I expected, but it was worth it._

_Disclaimer: I don't own D.Grayman, not even one Finder. But I do own the doggie and the random townspeople. _

Fool, Fool, Fool

"Idiot," growled Kanda, as he and Lavi tramped through the snow-cloaked streets in the twilight. "How could you _not _notice a large fire-breathing Akuma serpent right behind you?"

"Well it _did _get warm all of a sudden," his scarlet-haired companion admitted, fooling with his snake-scaled headband absentmindedly. "But yeah, this giant cobra Akuma suddenly came up behind me and slammed me with its tail. I ended up crashing right through a window. Damn glass cut my side."

"And by the time you got back out, it was gone," the dark-haired samurai guessed.

"Well…yeah," Lavi admitted, holding his right side, which Kanda assumed was his injured side. "So you think it's here in this town somewhere?"

"Considering that there's a high chance of Innocence being here, it's very likely," Kanda answered, swatting away some snowflakes. "Other Akuma have been reported here as well."

"Yeah, I hear you," replied the redhead with the pirate patch, shivering as a frosty wind slithered past him and Kanda. "Man, I hate the cold."

"You have a scarf."

"It's not enough!" whined the emerald-eyed Exorcist.

Just then a dog came into view, a full-blooded mutt if Kanda had ever seen one. Its short fur was an ash-blonde hue, and one of its ears stood up while the other hung down. Its tail wagged cheerfully as it trotted to the two black-clothed men.

Kanda leered at it, locking his dark eyes with the canine's greenish-yellow ones. The dog's tail sped up as it began to pant happily.

"I think it likes you," Lavi spoke, smiling and kneeling to the ash-blonde dog's level. "C'mere, boy!"

The disheveled canine galloped over to the emerald-eyed teenager, its eyes shining.

"You weren't born here, were you? Your coat's too short," Lavi deduced, patting the mutt's head. "Heck, with thin fur like that you're probably as cold as we are, huh?"

Lavi began stroking the dog and watched as the mutt started to scamper around in circles to get its entire body petted. Lavi laughed.

"We don't have time for this. We need to find the Akuma and any Innocence it may be after," Kanda stated, starting to walk forward. The ragged dog dashed over to him and began jumping up and down all around him, barking. Kanda thought its eyes looked sickly, despite their spirit.

"Move," the dark-haired blade-wielder commanded.

The dog happily ignored the order.

"I said _move_," hissed Kanda, giving the dog a kick. It yelped and stopped bouncing around, but it still wagged its tail and joyously panted.

Kanda's eye twitched.

_What's wrong with this dog?_

"Aw Yu, you don't hafta be mean to it," piped up Lavi, putting his hands behind his head.

"I assumed it would move."

The long-haired samurai glanced at the mutt, still gazing at him like he was a dear friend.

A young boy wandered onto the street, his clothes torn and faded. He whistled and the happy mutt hurried over to the child.

"Ah, so he's yours!" called Lavi, causing the young kid to jump.

"Nah, he ain't my dog. Some mean old man owns him," the boy answered, patting the canine on the head. "He just loves everybody, and everybody loves him, so he hangs out with everybody. He's the happiest dog in the world."

"Yeah, we've noticed," agreed Lavi, before sneezing.

Kanda studied the dirty-yellow mutt, as merry as ever, and thought that the dog was happy because it was stupid. He moved forward without another word.

"Hey wait up!" called his crimson-haired companion, quickly following. The boy and the dog vanished into the shadows of an alley.

As they continued down the cold street, Kanda heard a venomous chuckle behind him.

"What?" asked Kanda, looking back at the scarf-bearing scribe.

"Oh, just the naivety of youth," answered the redhead, closing his one good eye and smirking. "He thinks everyone loves the dog. Everyone hates the dog for stealing food and killing chickens and sticking its nose where it doesn't belong. Even if they don't hate it, it'll be easily replaced when it dies. Everyone loves the dog, heh."

Kanda still failed to see what was funny.

IIIIII

"You _idiot_!"

Kanda had been peacefully sipping some green tea when Lavi went flying by, literally. The redhead was engulfed by a white cloud as he crash-landed in a pile of flour sacks.

Lavi erupted from the flurry of flour, the white powder paling his appearance.

"What'd I do?!" the tyro scribe snapped, his canine teeth exposed.

Lavi's attacker was half of his size, a petite old man with dark patches around his eyes. He was bald except for a large gray wisp of hair, curled like a serpent ready to strike.

_Bookman,_ Kanda thought blandly, returning his gaze to his tea to make sure no flour dust had infected it. He was familiar with the hidden history keeper and his usual quarrels with his emerald-eyed apprentice.

"What part of this mission requires you to stare at pretty girls?!" the old man hissed, his surprisingly sharp teeth bared.

"Ah, you thought they were pretty too, old panda?" Lavi replied almost nonchalantly. Kanda guessed he was wearing a smile that was anything but indifferent, but he didn't feel like looking back to check.

The blade-wielding Exorcist heard a hard _thump_, followed by a pained yowl from the redhead.

Kanda sighed as more backbiting commenced in the background.

…_And I'll have this to put up with this for the whole mission…_

IIIIII

The wine store owner had mentioned that he thought he'd seen something green shining on the mountain. Kanda suspected that light came from a fragment of Innocence. Now the slender-faced samurai was off to gather more details from the baker, who was just down the street. Lavi was with Bookman, the two of them also stalking about for more information.

On the front step of the bakery Kanda intended to enter was the dog. It was quietly asleep, aside from the occasional whimper or whine.

Before Kanda could decide if he wanted to permanently borrow its fur coat, the bakery door creaked open. A man's plump face peeked out the door, and his brown eyes twinkled at the sight of the dirty mutt. Kanda assumed he was the baker, judging by the apron.

The dog raised its head and began to wag its tail.

"Ah, look who's here!" the baker crooned, taking no note of the stern-looking young man nearby. "Howya doing, old boy? You want some food?"

The ash-yellow dog bounced to its feet and began panting.

"Hahaha! You wait right here," replied the baker, starting to close the door.

"Hey," Kanda spoke up, causing the man to freeze.

"Oh, you must be the Exorcist! Pardon me!" the baker replied, opening the door and stepping out. "Please, come in, come in!"

The dog, forced out of its place by the fully opened door, bounded over to Kanda happily.

"…Your dog?" asked Kanda, watching the thin-furred canine run in circles around him.

"Ah him, he's everybody's dog, though technically some elderly fellow brought him here with him," the baker explained. "Sweet dog, he is. Can't find any other dog more loving than that one."

_Loving or selfish_, Kanda thought to himself. _Probably just here for scraps._

"Now come in, come in, before you get yourself sick. I know the cold weather's hard on you foreigners," the baker continued, stepping back inside. "Ol' Rover won't bother you in here."

"So Rover's his name?" Kanda asked, walking inside. The dog with greenish eyes stopped at the doorstep.

"Well…it's what I call 'im. No one knows what his real name is since his master's a real recluse, so they just call 'im what they want," the baker admitted. "Teddy, Ralph, Muttsie, Stupid, Sir Edward the Third…who knows how many names that dog's got."

Kanda preferred the name "Stupid" himself.

"I hope he finds a real home someday, though," the baker continued idly. "His master…doesn't really take care of him. He lives off of everyone else's kindness. But he's a good dog, he really is."

IIIIII

Kanda's meal at the bakery was a hearty one, which was a good thing since it was his first and last meal for the day. The rest of his time was spent chasing Akuma and slicing the demons to pieces. By the time he returned to the hotel he and the others were staying, it was well into the evening. The snowflakes drifted down carelessly.

Next to the hotel entrance was a shivering Lavi, holding two buckets of now-frozen water and bearing a miserable look on his face. Kanda guessed that some antic of his had backfired, and that Bookman senior had evicted him outside with the buckets as punishment.

The green-eyed recorder perked up at the long-haired swordmaster's arrival.

"Oh, Y-Y-Yu, what's up?" Lavi greeted through chattering teeth, still managing to smile. "I-I-It's not fair. That old p-p-panda knows I hate the c-c-cold. I've been f-f-fighting Akuma all day t-too…my arms h-h-hurt…and my side still h-h-hurts…"

"…What do you expect me to do about it?" Kanda asked coolly. "Isn't it your fault that you're out here?"

The scarlet-haired young man gave him a blank stare, and then he returned to the usual grin.

"Well, y-y-yeah…guess there's not m-m-much you could do anyway. Just f-f-forget it…I'll be f-f-fine. The old man will l-l-let me in s-s-sooner or l-l-later…"

Kanda gave the quivering Exorcist an annoyed glance for a few moments, and then began to walk away.

_Then why did he bother telling me?_

He heard Lavi sneeze loudly behind him.

"C-C-Cold…"

IIIIII

Kanda was roaming the labyrinth of glacial roads alone, prowling for Akuma, when he glimpsed the dog. It was waiting patiently outside a splintering shack at the end of the path.

The wooden door rasped open. The gray-blonde mutt began wagging its tail ecstatically.

The old door gave way to an old man, his poofy white hair and cynical glare giving him an almost comical appearance. In his hand was an oak staff with a serpent's head carved on top. The elder studied the gleefully whining canine with a narrow eye.

"Oh, you're back, are you?" he croaked insipidly. "Have a nice fun romp, did you boy?"

The dog let out two cheerful yips.

"And now you want to come in because it's cold and all your human friends are elsewhere?"

The greenish-eyed canine replied with two more happy barks, its tail going so fast its whole body wiggled.

The old man smirked.

"You think you're human, don't you?"

The dog answered with another joyful yip.

"Then let me remind you of what you really are, you mongrel!" screeched the geezer, kicking the thin-coated mutt into a pile of garbage. The dog let out a pained howl.

The old man came outside and continued to beat the dog with his snake-headed cane. The mutt cowered and yelped under every blow.

Kanda narrowed his eyes.

…_If it's not going to fight, it could at least run to the alleys…Why is it just staying there? _

The dog remained where it was, taking hit after hit and whimpering.

…_Stupid dog._

Kanda's bat-like telephone golem flew in front of his face, blocking his view of the dog's beating.

"Kanda! We've found more Akuma! They're in the southern part of the town!" a Finder's voice reported through the static.

As the black machine flew upward, once again revealing the abuse before him, Kanda turned the other way.

The dog yowled.

_I don't have time for this. It's just a stupid dog._

He ran in the other direction.

IIIIII

"Yahoo! We did it!" Lavi howled proudly, twirling his Innocence-infused hammer in the air as the last of the Akuma exploded. "That'll show 'em to mess with us!"

Kanda silently sheathed his blade. There was some Akuma blood smeared across his cheek, but he didn't care.

"We didn't even need that old panda! Hahaha-"

That "old panda" erupted from the alley, his flying kick striking Lavi's side. The redhead with the black eyepatch went soaring into the trash cans nearby, which dumped their filthy contents all over him.

"Idiot! This is no time to be gloating!" spat Bookman. "We still need to recover the Innocence!"

As the old man leapt ahead, the crimson-maned Exorcist pushed himself up from the garbage. His black-and-aqua headband had slipped off his forehead, hanging from his neck like an oversized collar. He held his right side.

"Ow ow _ow_…Of course he has to hit me right _there_, dammit…"

Lavi turned to the stoic Kanda watching him. For a moment the scribe looked confused, but then he smirked.

"Hey, you heard Gramps. No time to waste," the ruby-haired Exorcist stated, readjusting his snake-scaled headband to its proper place and digging out his Innocence from the trash. "Let's go Yu."

Lavi scampered ahead, his orange scarf trailing behind him like a short leash.

IIIIII

Kanda and Lavi saw the dog briefly, as they passed it on their way to the mountain. It wagged its tail, but then it timidly moved back into the shadows. Kanda noticed that it had a limp.

IIIIII

"C-C-Cold…"

Despite his previous experiences with it, Kanda still didn't care for riding on a hammer handle as it extended to its destination. He didn't like looking down thousands of feet and knowing only a black stick kept him from falling down below. It wasn't a very comfortable ride either.

"It's too c-cold, Yu…"

There was also the fact that he was stuck with the handle's guide for the entire trip. It didn't help that the guide's scarf kept slapping him in the face.

"The air's colder up here than it is down there," Kanda stated, shivering a little. "Deal with it. It's not far to the mountain."

"Yeah…I know…"

Lavi sneezed loudly, causing Kanda to jump slightly.

"You sneeze like a dog," the dark-haired samurai grumbled.

"I…know…"

It became quiet.

"Yu…"

Kanda was getting fed up with the cold himself. All the snow and ice added extra hazards that he didn't need in battles.

"Yu…"

The typical Exorcist black-and-silver outfits made him stand out against all that white snow too, making him an easier target for an ambush.

"Yu…"

And it was impossible to move quietly in the snow, with the cold white powder crunching under his every step. His footfalls would alert his presence to every citizen and every Akuma and that stupid dog…why was he thinking of that stupid dog?

"Yu…i-it's…"

"Yes, I know, it's too cold," snapped Kanda.

"…it's…too hot…"

Kanda's eyes widened.

"What?"

Lavi turned his head back to look at him. His face was as white as flour.

"…And my side…hurts…and my head…hurts…" the crimson-haired scribe rasped, turning back around. "Well…everything…hurts…really…"

Kanda felt the hammer handle underneath them tremble and sway. He gripped it tighter.

_That…idiot!_

"Lavi, take us down!" he shouted. "Before we end up falling!"

"But…the mountain's…just…a little ways…"

"DOWN!" Kanda commanded.

"…Okay…"

IIIIII

"…Yu…Yu, I'm sorry…" Lavi murmured, his head resting against the back of Kanda's shoulder. Snowflakes spiraled all around them.

"Be quiet," Kanda replied, as he trudged through the snow.

The emerald-eyed recorder was a lot heavier than he looked, the dark-eyed swordmaster noted, especially since he had to carry him. Even though his Exorcist companion would shiver every few moments, his body felt hot against Kanda's own.

"I swear…I felt…fine…before…" the redhead insisted, before he was caught in the coils of a vicious chill.

Kanda sighed. Even when he was sick the idiot would not shut up.

The shivering abruptly lessened.

"Hey…Y-Yu…why do you…care?"

"Hmm?" the stoic samurai hummed in reply, keeping his gaze on the path ahead.

"I'm just a…Bookman…"

_Bookman again_, thought Kanda. He knew little about the duty of Bookmen, aside from that they recorded history that would never appear in regular history books.

"Hmph. You can wield Innocence, idiot. We need all the Exorcists we can get," the dark-haired blade-bearer answered. "Besides, the Supervisor would have my head if I left you lying in the snow."

Kanda heard a frosty chuckle from Lavi.

"Of course…Innocence is…everything…in this war. Without that, I am…nothing. Just a…Bookman…"

"History is important to remember," Kanda stated, his breath turning white with every huff.

"Oh sure…history is…important…but the recorders? Nah…" Lavi replied, a hint of toxic amusement tainting his voice. "We write…we die…and then…we get tossed into some hole… somewhere…and no one…remembers…"

Kanda turned his head to look at the crimson-maned scribe, whose breath after frozen breath twisted in the air like the specters of snakes.

"Not that knowing history…really matters…" the forest-eyed chronicler went on, grinning and showing off his sharp incisors. "Stupid humans….they keep doing stupid things…over…and over…even though…they should know…they just keep being…stupid…"

Kanda silently listened to the scarlet-haired scribe's venomous laughter.

"So…stupid…" Lavi hissed coldly. "What a…s-stupid…thing to die for…"

His poisonous mirth was shed away as he began to tremble violently.

"…Shut up, idiot," Kanda finally replied.

IIIIII

"So there was no Innocence after all," Kanda confirmed, talking on the phone at the local hospital. His bat golem was placed in the middle of the receiver wire. "…Hmph. Just as well. Lavi fell ill and I had to take him back to town…No, I don't need Bookman here, he's recovering quickly now that his fever's broken. He should be well enough to take the train back with me tomorrow…_Yes, _I'm sure. Do you have a problem with that?...Fine."

Kanda put down the receiver, unhooked the golem, and stuffed it into his jacket pocket.

"Tch. Finders are such imbeciles."

He pushed his long dark mane out of his slender face. Kanda wondered when his hair-tie had broken. Was it when he was riding on the hammer? Or maybe sometime on the trek back? Either way, the next moron who mistook him for a girl and hit on him would get their tongue cut out. If he was feeling nice, that is.

As he turned to look out the window, he happened to spot the dog peering in. It was fogging up the glass with its breath.

Kanda leered at the greenish-eyed mutt for a couple of seconds, and then went outside to meet it.

The ash-blonde canine limped toward Kanda as he closed the door, shaking its tail timidly. It still smiled as it panted.

The dark-eyed sword-wielder watched as it hobbled over, its thin fur doing little to cover up its wounds. When it finally reached Kanda, the solemn samurai rubbed it behind one of its ears absentmindedly. His fingers came across a rough spot, causing the dog to unwillingly yelp. It looked up and wagged its tail, slightly.

Kanda studied the ragged mutt for a moment, and then grabbed the scruff of its neck to pull it closer. He used his free hand to push away the fur and saw a gash behind the mutt's ear, still slightly bloody.

He noticed the dog was whining and trembling under his grasp, with its tail hiding between its legs. Some passing locals looked worried.

"Stupid dog," Kanda growled. "If you're ashamed of your wounds, then defend yourself when you get hit."

The dog continued to shiver, looking up at Kanda with wide greenish eyes. The whining broke down into whimpering.

Kanda sighed.

"There is nothing for me to gain by beating on a mutt like you," he stated, letting go of the dog. "I'm not going to hurt you as long as you don't get in my way."

The ash-blonde dog eyed him as if in amazement. It wagged its tail feebly, but it did not pant happily.

"Now take this and scram, before you do start to annoy me," the irritable swordmaster added, fishing out a half-eaten sandwich from his pocket and tossing it to the dog.

The thin-furred canine caught it in mid-air and ran off with it, its tail whipping about gleefully.

The stoic samurai turned and re-entered the hospital. It was time to check on the other idiot.

IIIIII

"Oh Yu, you're still here?"

Kanda glanced up to the redhead sitting up in bed as he entered the room. The scribe's orange scarf and snake-scaled headband were hung up on a rack nearby. His chest was covered with bandages, though some ugly bruises peeked from the corners of the dressings. There were some red stains where his right side was bound.

"What about it?" asked the stern blade-wielder.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just surprised that you're still here," replied Lavi, yawning and leaning back on the pillows. "Is there still Innocence to find?"

"There was no Innocence."

"Oh," Lavi replied, one hand resting over his right side. "Then there really is no reason for you to be here. The old man-"

"I will take you back to Headquarters by train tomorrow," Kanda stated flatly.

"Hey, what's the rush, Yu?" asked the redhead Exorcist, smiling. "The old panda should be here by the evening."

Kanda thought the scribe's one good eye still looked sickly. He glanced at the headband and scarf dangling on the rack.

"…I won't allow it," he muttered.

"Huh?"

"I won't allow you to go back with Bookman," Kanda growled, glaring at Lavi.

"…What?"

"You're already injured," Kanda began, folding his arms. "You don't need him kicking you around, do you?"

Lavi put on a nervous smile.

"C'mon Yu, you worry too much. Those old panda's kicks are nothing."

"Your body seems to be saying otherwise."

The ruby-haired Exorcist looked down at his white-wrapped body.

"What, these?" Lavi asked, still cheery. "These are just-"

"From Bookman's training?" Kanda questioned. "For making him mad when no one else is around? Because you deserve it?"

Lavi's grin vanished.

"Yu…This isn't like you. Why do you…"

"I don't need a fellow Exorcist being injured before the mission even begins," the dark-haired samurai rumbled, closing his eyes. "If that old man is so eager to attack, then he can save his energy for fighting Akuma."

"Yu…"

"What if an Akuma pretended to be Bookman, or the old man became an Akuma himself?" Kanda proposed, his eyes snapping open. "Would you let yourself be poisoned and killed? How can you defend anyone else when you can't defend yourself from something so _stupid_?"

"Yu…" the redhead began, before shaking his head and smiling faintly. "You're really something else, Yu. I don't know what else to say."

"Hmph," Kanda replied, turning away from Lavi. "It was just getting really irritating to watch all the time, that's all."

The stern swordmaster headed for the door.

"Hey Yu?"

Kanda paused as he opened the door.

"Thanks for staying," said Lavi.

The samurai waited just a moment more, and then he closed the door.

IIIIII

Let them stare. Kanda didn't care. Let the locals wonder why he was carrying a scruffy ash-blonde dog onto a high-class train.

He noticed that no one tried to stop him as he stepped aboard the locomotive.

Lavi, who was cocooned in a fur blanket and was still shivering slightly, looked just as dumbfounded as the people outside.

"Yu, isn't that…"

"Yes it is," the stoic samurai interrupted, and sat down without another word.

The train doors closed, and the segmented machine began to trudge forward.

Kanda released the dog, and the greenish-eyed canine scurried over to Lavi joyfully.

"Hey! Long time no see!" greeted Lavi, one of his hands emerging from his fuzzy cover to pet the mutt. "But, uh, Yu…why did you bring the dog? You said you couldn't stand it following you around all the time."

Before Kanda was able to answer, Lavi's expression lit up and he snapped his fingers.

"Oh, I get it! This dog has Innocence in him, doesn't he?" the emerald-eyed Exorcist deduced. "No wonder the others couldn't find it in the mountains. So now he's going to go to Headquarters to become an Exorcist doggie, is he?"

Kanda remained quiet as the thin-furred mutt wandered back to him, tail wagging.

"Right?"

"No."

"Huh?" asked Lavi, his expression confused again. "Then why'd you bring him?"

Kanda turned his gaze to Lavi.

"…Because no one wanted the dog to die."

The crimson-maned scribe gave him a blank stare.

"Is that a problem?" Kanda growled.

"N-No, not at all!" Lavi assured, wearing an awkward grin. "It's just…well, do you even know _how_ to take care of a dog, Yu?"

"I'll manage," the swordmaster replied calmly.

"But you're always off on missions."

"There are always the people at Headquarters."

"But they're always busy with paperwork and stuff."

Kanda's eyes remained fixed on his redhead companion.

"Then it will have to learn how to take care of itself during those times."

Both of them glanced at the dog, which was now curled up on the floor between them.

Lavi leaned back and looking up at the ceiling, smirking.

"Heh, in the end we're just three fools on a train."

It occurred to Kanda that they and the dog were the only ones aboard.

"…Who are you calling a fool?"

"You, of course!" Lavi stated with a bright smile. "Who else but a fool has an urge to adopt a dog off the streets?"

Kanda closed his eyes and groaned.

"I should have left you in the snow," he grumbled.

"But then who would be there to cheer you up, Yu?"

"…You really are an idiot."

IIIIII

_I came up with this before I heard about the whole "rabbit" thing, so hearing about Lavi being a rabbit still seems weird to me (though it makes more sense now that my friend explained it). Bleh, he's still a dog to me XD. Now what would Kanda be..._

_Anyway, I hope you liked it, whether you agree with me on the matter or not XP. _

_Cya!_


End file.
